Like a sponge

It is weird... In the last month I have been so spongy, it is getting almost unbearable! I mean the longing... I am longing for some kind of closeness. And it is getting me crazy. I want to feel it! I just want to feel something... something nice. Love, kindness, touching somebody with care and meaning it at the same time. Being true about those feelings... Being there in the moment and enjoying it fully and still being sure that this is something I can count on tomorrow. Is it too much wanted?

I did see Life as a house again just now. I like the movie. It is a story about closeness, hugs, protecting each other, giving, loving, spontaneity and life... as it happens. It makes me cry here and there. And I like it when I cry... at least in that moment I feel a bit alive.

And I know I want to raise kids. :)

Sardegna was it

I am back. The radio silence was due to my holidays in Sardinia (island of Italy), which I have spent with my family (parents and brother) in a hotel near Oristano. While many of the co-visitors were quite displeased with the hotel quality, the mensa and the black woody algae near the shore, I was quite okay with it. My brother was totally hyperactive and tried out almost all physical activities possible: canyoning, tennis, windsurfing, etc. Me, I was his sports buddy.
Those of you, who know me, will know that I am not a good type of person for a sports buddy but I can assure you, I have really given everything! *g* Well, almost.

Btw, arriving back on the continent made me feel down a bit. The weather conditions in Vienna are now terrible: it is drizzling all the time, the sky is grey and I felt not really all happy today.

Oh, and I have also one other bit of news - I will be visiting London, Dublin, Galway and Edinburgh during the week of September 5th, so those of my folks, who are around should let me know if they are available. And all the other readers: if you know something worth while doing or seeing in these cities, let me know! I am open to any ideas. :)

Shift down!

Matt is blogging about "downshifting" and I think this is a unique thing in nowadays world.

Sounds like some people finally got to the point where they realise that there is more to our lives than work and consumption. To a point where they abandon the stereotypical paths of the societal wishes and listen to the voices of their souls. After reading the article Matt is linking to, I found out that this sounds like a pan-continental plead towards a new way of looking at our lives and the economy's reasons for existence. Are we here to work to live or to live to work? (I also understand that there are strong cultural issues behind this, however the capitalism's supply-oriented lifestyle is slowly entering into a crisis and I am very curious how much yet to get the buckle full...)

Crustacés et coquillages

Oh my goodness! What a movie! :) Please, everybody, go and see this one! Crustacés et coquillages truly is one of the most funniest and sweet and easy to watch and refreshing and gay and beautifuly shot movies of this summer season! :)

A french family inherits a house at the Cote D'Azure and moves there for the summer vacations: mother Beatrix is a young free-thinker diva with Dutch upbringing, Marc - the father a conservative angry looking Frenchman, Charly a young boy in his puberty discovering his body (and taking long showers). The whole idylic family however gets under tension after Martin, a young gay friend of Charly, arrives. Is Charly gay too? Are they both together? Suddenly everything seems to come out...

What I think the movie succeeds at is the mixture of the realistic portrayal of the different relationships between the characters and their way towards finding about each other and at the same time making you realise that this actually is only a movie. The two musical-like singing sequences are perfectly done and just as refreshing as the movie itself... :)

The film was directed by Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau and presented at the Berlin Film Festival this year. Do not forget to check out the nice karaoke version of the main film song on it's official french website!

P.S. And btw: I love the plumber too! ;)

Ivan Krasko: Poplars

Hey, poplars, towards the heaven!
Around them wide fields - -
Rising high, black
- As pains he feels - -
Poplars.

Hey, poplars, leafless!
Will of darkness' ghost
Proud they stay ramshackly,
In cold, wind naked most
Poplars.

Hey, poplars, without life at all!
Standing speechless in a circle
- Nirvana-like illusions -
Empty looking down
Poplars.

Hey, the proud highest poplars!
Like their look my soul fades...
Up...? Down...? Into nirvana...?
- As a threadbare raven
Into night...

(Picture: Mark Williams - Three Poplars)

Earl Grey with milk, please

Sitting in Cafe Berg. Earl Grey with milk, Esterhazy cake. Talking to Holger. A friend. Quite a special one. He makes me realize different things about me. For example how much s&*t I actually produce, carry within me and push onto others. Emotional stuff. It hits me always I am with him. He is the first person after years making me realize this. Thanks, Holger!

I want to leave this vicious circle of me hating my body and hating myself for being too shy and not taking initiative in my life. Or at least not in the areas of life where I would like to. And about me thinking nice things about myself when deeply I know how much I long to be hurt, to be abandoned, just: to feel like s&*t... (I feel a weird pleasure in that)...and close the circle again.

Though, the whole thing is faulty...
It is the perspective of a victim:
"I am not responsible. It just happens to me. Again and again... They are guilty! No, not me."

I think my problem is the fear... however also the fear is a product of something, isn't it? Maybe deficit-thinking... Maybe my upbringing... Maybe the socialized "winner takes it all" attitude... Maybe my perfectionism... And maybe I just do not want to be hurt so I do not allow it in the first place... And maybe I just take the whole life too serious... :P

I should learn to let go... not to desire to control... just feel... and enjoy! ;)

Il più bel giorno della mia vita

I think that one of the most touching films this summer is the italian The most beautiful day in my life, which not only circles around three generations of an italian family with their little cracks and secrets but while doing so, creates as emotional stasis for the viewer: you become a part of the family. And it teaches you that there is no right or wrong and that love is so infividual. Each and every one of the family members has a different experience with love, all of them unique. The film does succeed where Playing by heart did not: it is realistic. The generational conflict - traditionalistic and conservative grandma vs. the modern new generation - suddenly turns upside down, as we discover that the children are actually the one producing this gap, not the mother, which we would suspect... and thus creating an imperative for us to look into ourselves and open up. In the end, it is about our family. Isn't it?

When thinking about the most beautiful day in my life... there is non in particular. Rather there are moments I cherish. Memories I plunge into while daydreaming. Feelings. Acts. Movements. Outside and inside...

In the mood for love

Am I? Am I really in the mood for love? I rather think I am... Sometimes I have moments of me feeling powerful and autark. In those moments I feel like I could bring the Earth out of its trajectory. (Almost like Superman!) :)) But those are the moments I do not need anything in. In those, I am not in mood for (receiving) love...

I have seen the film yesterday. (I am speaking about Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love.) And it is so rich in undertones, so subtle in acting and so precise in scene setting... Everybody was taking it so seriously in the cinema, I was one of the few who allowed themselves to laugh from time to time upon puns and little glimpses of understanding, which makes the movie so moving!
Tony and Meggie are doing a great job in portraiting the main characters, the acting in their relationship, the sexual undertones without nudity is strong and the longing for eachother is almost unbearable... Thanks, Wong!

Too many things on my mind

First - sorry for not writing in such a long time. I have been soooo busy (not really with my job and thesis though *g*) and could not really find the motivation for writing in my blog somehow... I've been to birthday parties (Happy B-Day, Geb!), I've been to Frühschoppen in Upper Austria (Thanks for the hospitality of Martin!) and I've been at home in Slovakia playing tennis, sunbathing, swimming (especially the Alte Donau is extremely beautiful and warm - my recommendations!).

And now... Now, I am back. The next two weeks will be about studying and work but I am happy about it as I have the feeling that I will be able to get the work I have to do, done! ;) And I will be getting tanned and a bit sporty, as I am leaving for Sardinia in a two weeks time and by that I do not want to look like a tourist there (even that I know, I will). *g*

But now it is time for Bewegen! ;) See you later, my friends.

Oh, btw: I accidentaly found a web site of a very talented artist - Beverly Naidus, whose images I kind of totally fell for. As a glimpse of her work, here is the Yucca Mountain Boddhisattva:
She combines chakras and their power into the picture of the worlds outside and inside us. That is what I really like about her work. The interdependence existing in our universe.
(And btw, having so many things on my mind, I feel the need for such a Boddhisattva in me...) ;)