Disillusion

I have just returned from the first this year's screenings of the LGBT film festival in Vienna, identities. This year, my focus is on de-constructing pornography (with movies like v.o., That Man: Peter Berlin Story, or Gay sex in the 70s) and current male gay cinema (Heights with James Marsden and El Cielo Dividido directed by Hernandez). Btw, the festival is not really overrun, so you should be able still to get the tickets you if you should decide to go and see some of the program.

Just before the second film started, I met Philip and Markus in from of the Top Kino and we chatted a bit, Philip telling about his current amazement with kids and how he wishes for a child some day and how crazy he is about kids these days... My answer was that just two days ago I felt disillusioned about this topic, feeling that I am slowly letting go of this dream of mine because a solid guy who wants to build a family is hard to find these days... and I kind of do not feel yet strong enough to do this just by myself.
Returning to these thoughts makes me feel extremely sad and somehow broken as I have always wanted to have kids. I even remember one of the discussions about having kids with my first love, Pedro, while I have been in Oporto. I remember it so clearly and precisely, as if it would have been yesterday... We were in a shopping center, sitting at the food court, I have just finished my meal and Pedro was playing with his, when we kind of slipped into the topic about children. I have asked him how many kids he would like to have and he slapped me with his answer: six. OMG, six! I was taken aback and surprised... in the first seconds, I did not know whether he tells the truth or whether he jokes around, as he was always very keen of joking around... The next thing he tells me than is that we would need to buy a family van, which I say, I would be driving the kids to the schools with. He suddenly tells me that he would not allow me to drive the van because I am a lousy driver and he would not feel comfortable about putting their lives into my hands... and that he would buy me a sporty car to drive around alone...
You can certainly imagine, how pissed I was hearing this! *g*

Well, nevertheless... Pedro is past and so are other guys, who I would imagine as great dads (e.g. Lumpi)...
Hm...
Makes me feel disillusioned.

Listening: to the silence of my room and the running of the fan of my computer. :)

Picture: Desillusion, 2005 by Lou/Gaço.

I love youtube!

I do. I love youtube. It has the music I like to listen to, it provides the internet with a feeling of uniqueness and individuality. People are represented. I know, most of it is show-off and entertainment but I love the small pieces of gems scattered within the mess... Like videos from geriatric1927, a 79-year old man who is mostly telling stories from his life. He very much resembles my grandmother (mother side) in this matter. She is also telling me stories of her childhood and youth. Very much about what she has gone through and how it did affect her. Of course, she sometimes tells the same stories a couple of times but it is always an honor to be able to listen to her. I am already thinking about buying her a small recording device to record these things just to preserve those for the future...

Another thing, I do use youtube for is playing music. Just several weeks ago, I was totally obsessed with Jacques Brell's song Ne me quitte pas and right now, I am almost crying while looking at the video of Eric Prydz remix of Call on me. It is a jem! :) Btw, there is also a extremely funny anti-AIDS campaign commercial aimed at the male gay community. I could not stop laughing the first time, I have seen this. You may also find the hetero pendant to it but it just isn't as well done as this one...

Btw, I have just received word today that some of my loyal readership is not interested into my computer geekiness... well, boys, I am sorry... but that was only the beginning... I still want to write down the precise set up instructions for my linux as it is sometimes quite hard to find those somewhere else... in the end, I am doing this not for me but for people who are looking for these instructions on the web... :) Other than that, I am looking forward to get to understand linux more and more... I have also started with some evangelism and translated two main pages of opensuse wiki into Slovak. Six other pages to go until the language receives a full support status! :)

Currently listening to: Eric Prydz - Call On Me.

Opensuse - again!

After a thorough analysis of my home laptop system, I have come to the conclusion that I do not really need to brag with a state-of-the-art system, as I am very happy with what I have and I would not be using the features of a top-notch architecture anyhow (I am not producing any kind of videos nor playing heavy-graphics games)... So, as the only thing, which was getting me crazy, was the relatively small hard drive (40 GB), I have bought a nice new 100 GB Hitachi drive on ebay in April and finally come to install it in mid May.

I have to say one thing: I love Windows... when the system is empty. Or almost empty. It is fast, it works well out of the box, like a charm! However, I am already dreading the situation when I start putting programs on it... *fear*

When it comes to Linux... so far, I was an opensuse user since version 10.0 and have been using opensuse 10.1 lately. I was quite happy with it, however a new hard drive demands a new system and so I figured out, this could be a great possibility for setting up the 10.2 version.

After a weird first setup - with crazy ndiswrapper settings, no 3D acceleration and something else, which annoyed me and I do not really recall, I made up my mind and tried to install:

ccux - which ended even before the installation at the misguided partitioning scheme, bye, bye ccux!

kubuntu - which I could not set up the internet on, bye, bye, kubuntu!

fedora - which looks marvellous!!! bravo, red hat, this distro is a jem! but I could not find a way to install something on it as the updater was always trying to connect to internet which I do have only via wireless... so bye, bye, fedora!

frugalware - which gave me a headache to find the continue button after partitioning! people, please, call it differently!!! or rename the OK button to Partionate or something similar! this is an example of usability at it's worst!

And finally...

Opensuse - again!
And it works! I love it! It even recognized my wireless card, I still had to set it up using ndiswrapper though but still, it recognized it. I have than made a tragic mistake of trying to install ATI's graphic drivers (8.28.8) which were set up for X.org 7.1 only... leaving me with a crashed SAX. Great...

Installing again... But slowly, I am getting the hang out of it. :)


On some other tune:

The new Babylon 5 homepage is on, including the trailer for the upcoming directly-to-DVD movie(s) Babylon 5: The Lost Tales. Check it out!